I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
