i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize