You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
