i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Randomize
