I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Say something about gay babies.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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