I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
