if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
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Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
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Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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