OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
