Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
