Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
