We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
