I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
