Who wears a wallet chain?!
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
