Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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