BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
