Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
