yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
