I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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