i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
