Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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