oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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