yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
