We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
