I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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