OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
