I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
