she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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