I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
