i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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