Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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