whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
