Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
