hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
