just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
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I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
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What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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