i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
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having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
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I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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