why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
