Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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