you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
