Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Randomize
