Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
