Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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