Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
