My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Randomize
