My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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