i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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