haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
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