yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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