i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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