I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
