YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
