Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
