i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
