margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
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And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
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I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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