she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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