Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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