he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
We need to get me chipped asap
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
