Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
