OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
We're using joints as your birthday candles
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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