I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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