Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
worst night to have a conscience
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
