just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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