I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
