my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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