My sheets look like a crime scene.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
porn star boner night. come get it.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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