just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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