i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
you win again, gameday.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
