I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
