I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
My ass is underappreciated
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
