i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
