This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
