I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
