i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
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Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
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I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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