Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Randomize
