My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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