I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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