I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
two words...techno handjob
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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