i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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