So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
