How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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