my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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