I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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