you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
