Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
