We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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