i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
