Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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