Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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